Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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