butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
