Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She swung at the pinata with crutches
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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