So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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