Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
