So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
