Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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