ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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