Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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