I want to make a zoo with you.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I AM VODKA MAN
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
