I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Success! We fucked roommates!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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