guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
