I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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