If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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