shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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