I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
