is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
