Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
