ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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