need another drink. this is the easiest way
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
