Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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