you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize