I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize