12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
