just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
