I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
