Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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