Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This baby is an asshole
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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