well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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