so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
