I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
