turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
