i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
