I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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