I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
