Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I pour the whiskey from now on
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
