I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Say something about gay babies.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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