his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
