how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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