THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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