Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
