Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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