Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
