Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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