is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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