Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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