When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
