Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
This is the high leading the old right now
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
