Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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