i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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