i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
