he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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