I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize