We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
