I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
