Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think I am morally bankrupt
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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