That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Randomize
