I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
