It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
