i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
