I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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