I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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