It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
