maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
