I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
