it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
COCAINE IS GR8
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
