woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
