party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
