I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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