Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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